


We'll Never Be Those Kids Again

by Wle0416



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Boys Talking, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:20:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25824283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wle0416/pseuds/Wle0416
Summary: After a bad encounter at the Pony, Alex and Michael finally talk to one another.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 11
Kudos: 115





	We'll Never Be Those Kids Again

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after season 2. I love fluff, but wanted to add some angst into the mix, so this is what came out. 
> 
> Title is form "Ivy" by Frank Ocean. It's an amazing song about past loves and heartbreak and moving on if you've never heard it :)

It was a balmy Saturday afternoon, and Alex had just come to the Crashdown to get some takeout after a strenuous workout, and of course, Michael and Isobel were there, seated at the counter sharing a basket of fries.

Alex kept his eyes focused straight ahead, not daring to turn sideways and make eye contact with the curly-haired man. And he almost made it through the entire interaction with the waiter, until his eyes betrayed him and glanced to his right to see Michael staring at him with a blank expression.

He and Michael hadn’t been face-to-face since their encounter a week ago at the Pony.

A fight was never just a fight with them. Truths were revealed, boundaries pushed, and feelings demolished. They had a unique way of stripping each other bare with their words and tapping into each other's weaknesses with reckless abandonment.

And this one began with a missed phone call.

**One Week Earlier**

Michael was at the Pony with Max, playing pool and sipping on his drink. He wasn't drinking at all, just in high spirits and enjoying his time with his brother.

Alex, however, wasn't nearly as cheery as the bros. Greg had been having nightmares about Jesse, and he'd been spending a lot of time with his older brother, bonding and getting to know one another in a way they never had as adults.

It had been illuminating and such a powerful thing for Alex to explore, as he finally started to feel what it was like to have an actual sibling. But if he was honest with himself, it was also a bit exhausting. Dredging up years and years of pain had been cathartic, but it was also ripping him apart emotionally. He knew it would lead to a better place, but in the moment, it was gutting him.

That's why on that particular Saturday, he ignored Michael's 9 pm phone call and decided to just go to the Pony, have a beer and listen to sad country music alone.

He and Michael were in a stable place. They were able to talk on the phone, whether about Mr. Jones stuff or everyday life, without a stitch of awkwardness. There was flirty banter at times, a cheeky comment or two. And it felt like something else was just bubbling under the surface, though neither one of them made a move to dive into it.

With Michael and Maria still navigating the fall-out from their breakup a few months back, Alex wasn't expecting him to be there. Michael avoided the watering hole when he knew Maria would be there, which was basically every single weekend.

But apparently, that was no longer a thing, because he was at the Pony alright. And when he made eye contact with Alex from across the crowded space, his eyes flashed with hurt.

"Well, look who's here?" Michael said in a low voice, sliding into the booth across from Alex.

"Yeah, hi," Alex said in what he hoped can across as a kind voice.

Michael leaned back in the booth and just stared at Alex's face for the longest time. 

"Something the matter?"

Alex almost wanted to break down and just pour his heart and soul out to the love of his life, but he couldn't. Even if he wanted them to, the words wouldn't form, and he didn't want to drag Michael into any more Manes drama.

"Everything's fine."

A waitress appeared before Michael could respond, and Alex ordered a beer, offering to get one for Michael as well, but he declined. When she left, Michael leaned in closer across the table, eyes unreadable and expression muted.

"Liar," he half-whispered.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not lying."

"Alex, something is wrong. I can see it on your face. Is that why you ignored my call?"

 _There goes a calm night of drinking, people watching and drinking copious amounts of overpriced IPA,_ Alex thought. "How I'm feeling is none of your concern. I'm fine."

Michael looked wounded, confusion clouding his eyes. "I thought we were friends."

"We are friends."

"Then how you're feeling is my concern," Michael spat out. "If you don't want to talk about it, okay. But you don't have to be a jerk. And you could still return a phone call."

The indignation was steadily rising in Alex's chest. "Jesus. The world doesn't revolve around you, Guerin."

Michael stared Alex down like he was ready to explode, but before he could say anything, the waitress returned with Alex's beer. Feeling the noticeable tension, she placed the beer down on the table and scuttled away without saying a word.

"You know, I don't get you. You want to be friends. You want to be there for me. We've been great for weeks, and then out of nowhere you start blowing me off," Michael was speaking softer, but his words were crisp, dripping with conviction.

Alex closed his eyes for a fraction of a second, hoping to keep all the emotions of the last few weeks buried deep inside where he liked to keep them caged. But it was all for naught. Visions of Gregory waking up in the middle of the night on Alex's couch, screaming at the top of his lungs, flashed across his mind. Along with a perpetually disgruntled Flint calling Gregory a murderer and Alex a traitor just the night before during a failed family dinner.

Alex was tired and angry, and he couldn't force himself to be all things everyone needed him to be. At least not that night.

"You are not my whole life. You are not my responsibility. And am I not yours. I didn't want to talk to you tonight. And I don't mean to crush your fragile ego, but it's the truth. I wanted to come here tonight and just be alone. I don't have it in me to assure you that I'm not mad at you or disappointed. I've got my own shit to deal with, and I honestly can't be bothered with this right now." Alex spoke frantically, words flying out of his mouth before he could even consider what he was saying.

Michael's face could always tell a tale, and at that moment, he looked helpless. He slowly slid out of the booth, and Alex wasn't sure whether he wanted him to speak again or not.

He lingered next to the booth for a second, leaning down so that he was less hovering over Alex and more in his direct line of vision. "Have a good night, Alex."

Michael left the Pony in a hurry, and a confused Max was left standing with a pool stick in his hand. And a bewildered Alex left feeling worse than ever.

***********

Now they were sharing the same space, and Alex felt shame and guilt at the sight of Michael. His insides twisted up in an intricate origami creature, and his cheeks flushed.

It was that shame that had kept Alex from reaching out to Michael and apologizing as soon as the cowboy left the bar. He knew his words were dangerous and cruel, and he wanted nothing more than to take them back, but he wasn't ready.

He'd given Michael space after he ignored a few casual texts, and he wasn't even sure if The Crashdown was really the appropriate time or place to talk, but he also wasn't sure that time would ever come.

Alex grabbed his bag of food tightly and walked right over to Michael and Isobel.

Isobel looked none the wiser to the apparent awkwardness between the two men and greeted Alex with a pleasant enough smile. "Alex."

"Hey, Isobel. Guerin."

Michael was looking at the fries and remained utterly silent and unmoved. Isobel was taken aback by his coolness and shot Alex a look.

"You think I could steal him for a minute?" Alex asked Isobel, not even bothering to see if Michael wanted to talk.

Isobel ignored him and looked to Michael. "What's going on here?"

Michael threw a hand up leisurely, still avoiding everyone's eyes. "It's fine, Iz. It will just be a minute."

"Okay. I'll go talk to Arturo for a few minutes then," Isobel said as she rolled off her stool and strode towards the kitchen.

Alex didn't sit, but he stood closer to Michael so he could hear him over the buzzing of the semi-crowded afternoon lunch noise. "I've wanted to talk to you for a while, but I figured I was the last person you wanted to speak with. And I don't blame you. I was an asshole to you."

Michael was still not looking Alex in the eye, but Alex was determined to soldier on with the words he'd be spinning around in his head for days, regardless of whether not they were going in one ear and out the other.

"I could give you excuses and explain why I was in such a bad mood that night, but it doesn't matter. What does matter is you could see I wasn't fine, and you were concerned, and I decided to turn my exhaustion and hurt into an attack on you. I don't know why I do that. I just, I don't know. I push you, and I'm sorry."

The apology hung in the air like a dense fog between them. Michael seemed to be processing the words, his head hanging for a minute before picking it up to finally meet Alex's gaze.

"I can't, Alex," he spat out behind a heavy sigh.

It wasn't the response Alex was expecting, and he shifted a bit in his shoes. "I don't understand."

"I mean, I don't want to be pushed away anymore. We can't do this to each other. We can't hurt one another because we know we can."

Alex slunk into the seat closest Michael, placed his food down on the counter, and ran his fingers through his hair. He was hot, and he was starting to feel trapped in his otherwise airy Air Force t-shirt.

Michael continued. "We have to find a way to move beyond that."

It took everything inside Alex to keep his hands in his lap and not reach out to hold Michael's hand and promise him that he would never hurt him again. But Alex couldn't make a promise like that because he knew it was one he wasn't guaranteed to keep.

"How do we do that?" Alex offered up instead.

"I'll be honest with you. I don't know how."

Alex felt sick, and he was about to offer up a mumbled reply, but Isobel was descending upon them rapidly. He went to grab his takeout bag, but a warm hand covered his and returned it to his lap slowly.

Michael leaned in close enough for Alex to smell the fries on his breath. "I don't know how we do it, but we have to try. We have to."

"I'm sorry, Michael. I-" _Love you_ , Alex thought but didn't say the words out loud.

Michael squeezed Alex's hand before letting go and welcoming Isobel back with an effortless smile.

Alex left soon after, with a promise from Michael they would talk more that night. 

They needed to put all their cards on the table and confront all the feelings they'd kept hidden away.

********

Alex pulled up to the airstream around 8 pm later that evening. Michael was seated outside in a rickety lawn chair, gazing into the roaring fire in front of him.

"You look cozy," Alex remarked, as he walked over to Michael and sat down in the chair next to me.

Michael sighed. "It's a beautiful night. You want anything to drink?"

"I'm good, thanks."

Michael nodded slightly, and the two of them sat in silence for a minute, the only sound the crackling of the heat beside them.

"I'm starting up therapy next week," Alex finally said. "It's been a long time coming, but it feels like it's time."

Michael had an inviting smile affixed to his lips. "I think that's great, Alex."

"Yeah. The last few months have been a lot. I thought I was okay, ya know? But there's just been so much for me to process, and frankly, I can't do it alone right now." Alex said the last words quietly, as that shame crept back up.

"Hey, what you're doing is admirable. It's not easy to admit that."

Alex shrugged. "I've spent a lot of time with Greg lately, and it's brought back a lot of feelings I hadn't felt in a long time. Feelings from childhood that I thought I was over. But they're still there, and I have to face them. I have to."

Michael leaned forward and put his hand on Alex's knee reassuringly. "I'm proud of you."

Alex took a deep breath before placing his hand over the top of Michael's. "I push you away because I'm scared. I always have been. From my father, the shed, and everything that came after, there's just been so much pain between us. And you telling me that we weren't good for each other last year…I didn't want to believe it, but maybe it was true. We've come such a long way since then, but here I am still hurting you."

"It's not just you." Michael pushed himself towards the end of the chair and angled his body, so he was closer to Alex. His eyes were wide and full of something Alex couldn't place. "We've both hurt one another this year. I owe you an apology, too. We're not perfect, and we're never going to be perfect. But-"

Alex was hanging on Michael's every word, and when he stopped speaking, he held his breath.

Michael looked away towards the fire, hands still intertwined with Alex's. When he brought his eyes back to Alex's, they were glistening with unshed tears. "I think we can be perfect for each other."

Alex caught his breath and couldn't stop the grin that fell upon his face even if he wanted to. "I think so, too. We have to talk. _I_ have to talk. I've spent much of my life alone, stuck in my head, and I don't want that anymore."

"I want to talk, too. And I want to promise you something."

"What's that?"

"I can't promise I'll never push again. But I promise not to give up, even when things are hard. I promise to just try because what you and I have is worth it. This life is hard, man. But no matter what happens to me, the one thing that never changes is how I feel about you. And I'm here now telling you that I'm in it. I want it. With you." Those unshed tears were spooling on Michael's cheeks, and Alex brought his free hand up to smooth them into Michael's prickly skin.

"I can't promise I'll never push again, either," Alex whispered, a single, salty tear escaping his eye. "But I promise to fight like hell for you always. I love you, Michael Guerin. And I should have told you that a long time ago."

Michael fell to his knees, and ambled the few inches over to Alex, crashing their lips together in a fury.

It was sloppy and wet, tears mixing in with saliva. But it was home. 

Alex knew they were a work in progress. Their problems weren't going to be cured magically overnight, but they were going to face them together.

Their story was to be continued, and the future never looked brighter. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!!


End file.
